Kebabs

Kebabs are a collective favourite greasy meal among the Unicorn Warriors. It has all the elements of a filling and savoury food; combining grease, salt and fat all in one delicious culinary bite, especially after a drunk night at the pub.

The Alexanderplatz kebab

During the unicorn warriors holiday to Berlin, the warriors had enjoyed a glorious piss up at a touristy German Bierhaus near Alexanderplatz accompanied by James' university friends Jenny and Tahir (You can read more about our trip to Berlin here). After this, the warriors left utterly shattered and their vision whilst blurry and visually incoherent, was to go in search of food. Upon hearing of a traditional German style Kebab shop near the station, the warriors stumbled on in pursuit. From what they can remember, it was quaint yet very efficient, as most Germans are. As their coins hit the counter, Turkish Bossman delivered the goods and handed them a thick pocket of toasted bread cradling a meaty mass of grilled chicken coated in lashing of vegetables and chilli sauce. It is to date one of the most satisfying eats in their drunk experience.

Coridandisaster

Berlin had yet more of the Turkish food from the gods at hand. Upon hearing of a firm city favourite spot to sample Berlin's signature dish, it was to be the ultimate lunch stop for that day. The 45 minute wait in a queue did not deter them, upon arrival the cheeky Turkish Kings of Kebab took a favourite to their brown brothers Raphael and Zain and handed them yet another pocket of meaty goodness...James received the quick in-out service. Regardless, they were pleasured to see a unique spin on the various vegetables given, including fried potato, peppers and courgettes. Zain and Raphael tucked into their kebabs delightfully, sampling the delectable flavours of each and every bite. James however, was standing their glumly. "Guys... there's so much coriander", he mumbled proceeding to conduct a post-mortem on his own kebab, running his fingers through the kebab pulling out any trace of coriander he could find. Raphael would happily polish off any piece of coriander had to hand, quoting it was a beautiful and citrusy herb that shouldn't be under-rated. James just passed this off and eventually tucked into his now cold and mangled food.

Kebab-Gate

During a family holiday to Spain in 2014, James told a story to the warriors how the cafeteria he had eaten in had been serving a strange and disgusting fruit salad that had the classic orange, apples and berries AND red onion. Since that story first broke, Zain and Raphael insisted that James had been describing a kebab all along, quoting that he had also said that there was meat and bread. This trend of group targeting had become a firm topic of disgust for James who persistently feels he wants to smack his head against a tree, especially when Zain and Raphael agree that James doesn't know what a kebab is.

Salamis'

A kebab shop at the very heart of Gants Hill, this shop has been around since before time serving the good community and students at Valentines High School with their £1.50 meat and chips lunch deal. During a long overdue meet up at the the King George V pub. James announced he was running almost an hour late. Unbeknownst to Zain and Raphael, James had been for a fair few staff drinks at work already and was a drunk mess. On his way to meet them, James had stopped off to grab some meat and chips to settle his cravings for some greasy food. Bearing in mind that Salamis' was a 2 minute walk away from one direction to the pub, James approached the George V pub from the complete opposite direction, much to the shock and confusion of Zain and Raphael who knew something was up when they saw James stumbling towards them clutching his kebab and smiling most satisfied. Upon further questioning, James had admitted that he had walked around the entire back end of the houses, essentially walking past the pub and adding an unnecessary 10 minutes on his journey. Zain and Raphael concluded James was simply drunk.

LOL Kebab

'LOL Kebab' was a phrase created by Raphael as a quirky alternative to the basic, but perennially popular 'LOL'. Originally used with close friend Cameron, it quickly spread across VHS alumni - primarily the followers of Raphaelism (see Pre-Unicorn Warrior History). Raphael would often joke that the meat in a LOL Kebab was from a LOLasaurusrex.