Dickshard

Dickshard is a pseudonym for an ex-school colleague of the Unicorn Warriors. To Raphael, they had both known each other and had been best friends since early Primary school. Raphael would particularly remember the time that himself and Dickshard had to be separated into different classes because they were very mischievous with each other.

History

During the first few years at high school, he was the typical pompous fat kid that tried to mix with different crowds of people. The warriors would try to befriend him but were often dissuaded by his selfish attitude and self-centered focus of discussion. His favorite story would usually revolve around him speaking of his childhood 'bullying' which whilst it possibly did occur, but it was grotesquely exaggerated to make everyone feel sorry for him. Former friends have previously commented that they remember he was the one often doing the bullying of weaker individuals which continued into the end of high school, showing his classic style of hypocrisy.

Notable moments

Rap Attack

Dckshard usually thought he was a 'rap god', idolizing Eminem and believing he was god's next gift to the music industry despite the fact his style is outdated 20 years by the popular. Every time somebody would approach him in school (he would approach you mind) or on the bus home, Dickshard would stare at you and break into a string of rap verses. No one understood him, no one questioned him. You would simply be trapped in his vocal grasp, unable to escape or say a word. In sheer desperation, you did the only thing you could which was to bob your along to the imaginary beat he had created. Just before you thought he was about to finish, you would often have nothing to say so would lie and comment that it was really good, but before you knew it he would break into another full verse of rap gibberish. The pain would go on for a full 5 minutes on a good day. The mental torture would only end if he was about to go somewhere immediate or he got distracted. I myself have even been followed halfway home with him in full rap-flow before he realises where he is going. Even then he would simply turn around and walk the other way home... still rapping. You could say goodbye but it was meet with virtually no reciprocation as he continued rapping into the distance.

Popularity

Throughout school, it was not uncommon to see Dickshard's completely delusional personality take form. He often thought he was the cock of the pack in the school. He once stated to Raphael that if he wasn't making people happy then he may as well not alive. This statement implied he was 'there for the people', a god of sorts, people loved and worshiped Dickshard. Raphael believed he should have just killed himself there and then.

Deathly Warnings

Often enough if you were to annoy Dickshard, he would threaten you with a tirade of impossible ways of hurting somebody. This is owed to his fascination with horror films and violence in music and video games. Such classic liners include:

- "I'll rip your spine out and smack you with it"

- "I'll rip out your intestines, wrap them around your neck and strangle you to death"

- "Don't make me come over there otherwise I'll smack that brown off your face and make you white"

- "I'll stick my hand down your throat and pull your testicles up through you, then stuff them in your eye sockets"

Drama Split-Personality

Drama times would be filled with absolute hysteria during the pre-warriors years when Raphael, James, Zain and Ibrahim would collaborate. Often, they would be joined by Dickshard on the banter wagon, who would thoroughly show his amusement. However as soon as an associate actress spoke of her disgust, namely Gabby, Dickshard would suddenly flip on her side. Calling us childish and evading the glare of Mr. Duggan.

Richard you're a fat prick, acting like a spastic

During an eventful drunk evening with the Warriors, Ibrahim's strange yet spontaneous younger brother joined us. He was very much drunk and proceeded to 'out-do' his brother in every thing not possibly imaginable. This ranged from shouting inappropriate sexual comments to girls passing by, 'flipping' passing vehicles and stealing an apple from a corner shop. This accumulated in a phone call to Dickshard where he proceeded to belt out the phrase 'Dickshard you're a fat prick, looking like a spastic'. The Warriors erupted into laughter, whilst Ibrahim's brother continued to unleash a torrent of merciless abuse. This was on a scale no-one had ever dared to launch upon Dickshard.