The Unicorn Warrior Civil War

The Unicorn Warrior Civil War was a major and influential conflict in Unicorn Warrior history. It lasted years, with a variety of heated battles accumulating to the fall of a Unicorn Warrior. Due to spanning such a lengthy amount of time, certain details have been lost to the winds of history, but a variety of key facts and memories still remain.

The origins of the conflict are understood to be in Zain's former attic. A traditonal place of meet-ups, now in the nostalgia dimension as this room is now inaccessible. Unicorn Warrior's Raphael, James, Ibrahim, Sean and of course host Zain were present along with Richard (commonly dubbed "Dick Shard"). During bouts of intoxicated banter, Raphael unleashed a statement which whipped up much furore, announcing confidently that Sean had put a finger up his arse. James, Ibrahim and Zain all began laughing and Richard confronted Sean in a manner that seemed hostile yet one of grave concern. Sean's face went paler than usual and he could only muster stunned mutters of "Wwwwha?", "Wwwwhat are you tttalking about Raph". After that drunk outing not much was spoken of this contentious topic for a while.

Raphael had blurted this accusation out to deliberately annoy Sean, he quickly realised it would be an easy point of sensitivity. Previously Raphael and Sean had argued about anal stimulation. Raphael contended that enjoying anal stimulation from yourself and/or a woman is objectively not homosexual. Sean, on the other hand disagreed feverishly. Raphael noted Sean's behaviour and acted accordingly later in Zain's attic, as mentioned previously.

Any mention of Sean putting a finger up his arse, whether in earnest or in jest was sparse. It would occasionally be brought up to make everybody laugh, including Sean who begrudgingly went along with it. Eventually it became far more frequent but Sean still held firm and begrudgingly put up with fellow Unicorn Warriors. All jokingly stating Sean was currently the only member to have put a finger up their arse. Eventually Sean snapped and asked for his fellow Unicorn Warriors to not constantly make reference to it as it was "really weird". From this point onward, the subject of Sean's anal virginity would be brought up in faux-arguments to make Sean silent as well as the typical light-hearted joke it had always been used for. It went on semi-regularly for months, with Sean snapping every once in as while.

Though despite Sean's annoyances there were many times during this phase that he'd take the joke. Afterall, each member of the Unicorn Warriors had their fair share of subjects levelled against them in light-hearted arguments. However, this somewhat blissfull time was cut short by a series of mocked up pictures of Sean doing the activity we'd all maintained he'd performed. Sean was outraged. This was just a mere taster for what was to come. Mischievously cackling to themselves, Zain and Raphael mocked up a WhatsApp conversation of Sean admiting slipping one of his sly white fingers into his tight puckered rectum. This was later deployed in an argument on WhatsApp with Raphael making it his profile picture. Sean with disgust and embarrassment left the group but returned once Raphael had removed it. Upon arriving back into the fold, Zain followed Raphael's lead and decided to make the mocked up conversation his profile picture too. Sean slammed the leave group icon and was in and out of the group for months. During this time Zain never changed his profile picture and was determined to play a long game. Sean maintained he wouldn't participate fully until Zain took down the picture and apologised wholeheartedly.

(What the argument was about on WhatsApp can't be remembered. But it's worth highlighting that the Unicorn Warrior Civil War did run concurrently with a previous minor skirmish: the Sean-Zain Feud. This conflict has been going on and off for a while, and at this early stage of the Civil War was likely active. Sean's animosity towards Zain shouldn't be wrongly suggested as being only from the Civil War, but from the Sean-Zain Feud also)

Sean's mental state increasingly deteriorated as the arse jokes were consistently deployed without any signs of slowing down. Any mention of the word 'arse' - in any context - would arouse Sean's suspicion. Quickly staring at you red-faced and upright, very reminicent of a meerkat. His selective choice of blame also seemed to be bonkers. When Raphael would post an arse meme that James had made: somehow Zain would get the full brunt of the blame. Eventually, Sean would bow out of the group in what, at the time, seemed like a permenant decision. This was around the tail end of summer 2015. The Unicorn Warriors would not hear from him for a whole year.

A year later, Raphael would get a long and unexpected message from Sean apologising for his behaviour and asking to rejoin the group. Whilst the finger-up-the-arse debacle was a huge point of contention in the Civil War it was only a catalyst. Sean frequently clashed with the rest of the members on a variety of issues. Their attitudes and behavioural patterns didn't align - but Sean had promised to change citing Ibrahim and Richard as bad influences. He did change. But it wouldnt take long long for Sean to exhibit his previous behaviour that continually irked the other members. He stayed in the group for around another year before finally leaving - this time it seems for good.